Have you made a mistake at work and are unable to forgive yourself?
Are you going through a period of transition and you have lost your confidence?
Do you regret something you did, or you wish you had done something?
Are you stuck on a project, and are unable to advance because you are too demanding and critical towards yourself?
And you continue to blame yourself and talk yourself down?
This does not help.
Self-compassion is about creating a space within oneself that is free of self-judgment. It is a place where we take care of ourselves. It is about being forgiving and kind to one self when we have made a mistake. Furthermore, it is a way to control our fears and even oppose our inner voices that create stress.
How does self compassion help us?
It stops the trance of ‘unworthiness’ and negative self-talk, as Tara Brach, author and meditation teacher, would say.
It helps us unstuck.
It reduces ours stress by providing a response to our critical inner voice and negative beliefs.
It lowers anxiety and depression.
It improves relationships; by creating space and love for oneself, you will be able to create space and love for others. The relationship you have with yourself will change your daily life profoundly.
How can you practice self compassion ?
Give yourself encouragement. Think about how you would respond to a good friend if they would face a similar difficult situation, or if they had made the same mistake. Now use this response towards yourself.
Write a letter to yourself describing the situation, but without blaming anyone — including yourself. Naming your emotions and thoughts is a good start to being nice to yourself. Validate these feelings. Write down small actions you can take to reduce negative feelings and thoughts and feel calmer.
Give yourself a hug.
Comfort your body. Eat something healthy. Lie down and rest. Take a walk. Do anything to make you feel physically better.
Schedule some me time.
Every evening, be grateful for the things you have achieved, no matter how small..
And finally, one of my favorites I really would like you to learn, a 4-step meditation practice called R.A.I.N. It goes as follows;
Prepare yourself for meditation and go through these 4 steps
Recognize what is happening at the moment, and what is happening inside yourself. Name your negative thoughts to help you to get free from these negative thoughts. Recognize that they are just a passing wave.
Allow what is happening at the moment. Allowing what is here, let it be and just ride the wave.
Investigate what is happening. Make contact with the vulnerability inside yourself. Take the courage to feel what is inside your body. How does it feel? What is really behind your thoughts, emotions and fears. Where are they coming from?
Nurture. The way you respond to your vulnerability, is what allows healing. What does your vulnerability most need? Offer what is needed. Comfort your own vulnerability. It can be forgiveness, it can be comfort, it can be nice words, it can be a break.
Are you interested to learn more about the RAIN practice? I advise you to go to www.tarabrach.com/rain.
I hope these tips will help you to practice self compassion. R.A.I.N. has really helped me in tough times.
Even when you have set your objectives, and you know which direction you are going, sometimes you will be too harsh on yourself and be stuck in negative self talk. This is the moment to practice self compassion.
Please feel free to leave a comment or contact me directly if you want to explore self compassion to help you reach your objectives. fanny@changewithme.org.